I feel extremely blessed and grateful to the few friends in my life that have been so kind and patient with me during a long overdue life transition. This transition has not been easy. Thank goodness for that! If it was easy, I would not be learning and experiencing the growth that have during this life phase.
Despite all the work I am doing and having a few setbacks, I am proud of myself for not getting stuck in “victim mode.” I have had moments of weakness when my heart hurts, but I’m finding it so important to use that hurt to fuel my effort to change/grow.
As I do this, I recognize that there are some people who I will never feel fully accepted by, and that’s okay! I don’t need their approval to be who I am. No matter how real I am, no amount of effort or kindness shown, breathes life into creating a connection. It’s carrying the notion of ever having a connection with them, that makes it unhealthy to allow them space in my life. It’s not wrong or a bad thing that I at least try to connect with them, but I as well as you (if you are in a similar situation) must put limits on how much to give.
Not everyone will meet you on the same level. In life, I have learned most people operate on various levels at different times anyways. It’s those who value your presence that will show some sort of effort to meet you on any level in which they are capable of meeting you. It is important to be accepting of where others are at in their lives, whether they are accepting of your presence in their life or not. Your control lies within you and you alone. How you react to what others can offer you or how they treat you, is up to you.
We can only accept other people as they are now and that is all.
You cannot expect anyone to value you, no matter how much you value yourself. That is their choice to make. What should matter to you, is that you value yourself. You don’t need anyone else to value you, in order to be a valuable person.
If someone treats you as though you hold no value in their life, then that likely won’t change no matter what you do. At the point when you come to realize this then know that it’s okay to walk away. You can’t expect people to love you nor care about you, no matter how much you love and care for them, or yourself. In the end, the only thing that matters is loving and accepting YOU. It’s okay for you to love your flaws and it’s okay to love all your amazing qualities, both at the same time. Loving yourself doesn’t mean you need to allow ego to control you, nor does it mean you are exempt from further growth in life. It’s okay to love you, right now. As you are today.
You must learn to be your own support system sometimes. You can’t make anyone support you, support your growth or care about anything YOU go through in life. Most of the time people have their own stuff they are going through. So it’s important you learn to show up for yourself.
People are always free to choose. Free-will is just that….free. Give others the freedom to make an effort or demonstrate within their means that they do care. If they consistently show you otherwise then you have the freedom to walk away. Set that boundary. Show yourself that love! Whether or not they understand why or your reasons for walking away. There understanding is not up to you. Just make sure you walk away with your self respect in tact. Walk away with integrity and holding on to your truth.
If someone acts like they don’t care, no amount of words they speak to you will make you believe otherwise. For me, I want so badly sometimes to believe that what people say is actually what they mean. That their words are truthful and honest. This is not always the case, unfortunately. You cannot control their level of honesty.
People always have the right to change their minds but if they are constantly going back and forth or being wishy washy, then interpret that as you will. I’m not saying that words spoken out of love or kindness aren’t genuine. You have to be the one to decide if they are or not. How much are you willing to tolerate in your life? If they put no effort or action behind any of their words, it is, in my experience, generally not genuine. But that is just me. I am not saying that as truth or fact. Some people just like to talk. They don’t understand that what they say may have an impact. I am guilty of this myself. It’s something I have had to work on, recognize and move through.
Being able to admit your own mistakes, then work through how your actions and behaviors which co-created the downfall of a previous relationships, can be so haaaaaaaaarrrrrrd! It’s okay to seek out help when working through the icky stuff. You may find it helpful to get advice from someone you trust. You may find a therapist to talk with, or a life coach. I’m the type of person to seek out a therapist just because I think it’s healthy to admit I need help working through certain things. Plus, I always have room to grow. So, if I want to grow, I must put in the work that I believe is necessary for my growth. My growth is for my own benefit. If it brings love into my life, well great! If not, well that’s great too! Either way I’m benefiting myself.
“That is what love is after all…a choice.” – quoted by too many to name
Relationships teach us soooooooooo much about ourselves. It is in our most intimate relationships, where someone else is there to call us on our shit, and at times, hold up a mirror, forcing us to see parts of ourselves we never knew existed! It’s wild! This is what makes relationships so amazingly beautiful! On the other hand, it’s also what makes them so incredibly hard sometimes. When you’re with someone who won’t do the necessary work on themselves; instead, making everything the other persons fault or making it the other persons responsibility to fix them or the relationship. That can put an enormous strain on a relationship. Your partner may make demands on you, that they themselves aren’t willing to step up and do; then blame you when you don’t do what they want? (This goes both ways) That will suck the fun right out of a relationship. Shouldn’t relationships be fun?
When your in a relationship and you find yourself finding fault and choosing to focus on all your partners shortcomings, then, if you aren’t willing to shift your focus, step up and stop hurting your partner (because why would you want to hurt someone you care about?) and start putting in the effort to work on yourself, how is your partner suppose to trust you? Put yourself in their shoes. If you care about someone then why wouldn’t you want them to trust you? Why not do something little by little to show you appreciate them and that you are a trustworthy person? Why not do something to benefit not only you but your your relationship? People so easily take others for granted. If you want to keep a relationship simple, then you must first stop making them so damn hard.
The hurt in dealing with my past and admitting how I contributed to a bad outcome, well…it has been like swallowing a huge disgusting horse pill! It didn’t feel very good going down and it wasn’t fun, but by god, with a few gallons of water, it went down! And it has been worth it!
No matter what, please remember this: it’s going to be okay and so are you.
Below are some genuine and useful word nuggets delivered by the incredible, Mark Groves. His guidance and writings I have found to be very inspirational. I have learned so much from him and I encourage you to check him out when you get a chance.
Link to Mark Groves: markgroves.tv
Thank you all for reading this. I wish you all so much love and happiness in the upcoming New Year. What a blessing life is! Thanks again! ❤️
p.s. I am forever grateful to those in my past. I want to thank the ones that it didn’t work out with. Because of them I have had the amazing and humbling experience of growing; becoming a better person. Thank you for teaching me so much about myself and about love.